I once heard a preacher say, “People who are meant to stay in your life can’t leave and those meant to leave, can’t stay.”
This is the #truth. The times I’ve tried to resuscitate dying or dead relationships, I only made things worse and they ended up leaving anyway. Looking back, I wish I had just let them go. It would’ve saved me from heartache, wasted energy and lost time.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost friends along the way and my inner circle has become way smaller.
Has this happened to you too?
I look around and I don’t see some people who I thought were going to be forever friends. Where did they go? I mean folks whose wedding I was in. I was an auntie to their babies. How did this happen?
A lot of our relationships turn out to be seasonal. Friendships end for a multitude of reasons and it’s OK!
One practical reason why we lose friendships is that some simply aren’t maintainable when distance is involved. You might have moved for college, then your first job or maybe when you got married. I’ve moved four times over the past decade for residency and for other jobs, and each time I moved, some friendships were left behind.
It takes more effort to keep up with someone who’s hundreds if not thousands of miles away. We have to be intentional about communication and being in each others lives and sometimes we get busy and out of sight becomes out of mind.
Also as we get older, our interests change and we now have little in common with some of our friends. We have new experiences, meet new people and how we view ourselves and the world changes. We evolve and outgrow our friendships. We all know the friend who’s still doing the exact thing they were doing twenty years ago or the friend who still has limited, small thinking. They have not grown and simply can’t accompany us further on our journey.
And finally, as we mature, we are clear about what we will and won’t accept from others. We have well established boundaries and find it difficult to tolerate one sided or toxic relationships; the takers; and the friends who are pure drama. We see clearly through the BS and simply will not put up with it. We choose to put ourselves and our emotional well being first.
Initially it would really bother me when a friendship ended. However, I’ve now accepted it as just another part of life. I’m growing as a person so of course I’m not going to have the same circle of friends.
If you still have the same friends, you might not be growing.
I’ve also chosen to be thankful for the friends who did stay. The ones who make life bearable. The ones who celebrate my successes and talk and pray me through my disappointments.
I prefer to focus my energies on nurturing those friendships instead of lamenting over the ones I’ve lost.
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