We met at this hole in the wall cafe known for its live music. The atmosphere was perfect. He was no M’Baku but good gosh was he attractive! And he was my type (physically) too. Mmm, mmm, mmmmmmm!
And not only that, he was also charming and funny. The chemistry was great. We enjoyed each other’s company so much that we extended the night by going to another live music spot.
It was a great first date. The best I’d had in a long time.
We saw each other a few times after that and kept in touch by chatting on the phone or with FaceTime.
But then, he gradually stopped calling. Instead he sent sporadic texts… like every few days. Not the texts that led to conversation and never asking how or what I was doing. But texts like he missed me.
Hmmmm, don’t ya usually call people ya miss? It made absolutely no sense.
There’s actually a name for this. It’s called breadcrumbing. And it’s apparently common in this modern age of dating.
You do the bare minimum to appear interested just to keep the other person around… but you really aren’t that interested.
To be totally honest, at first I was confused. Like, I thought we had a good time together. Why wasn’t he calling? After I got over this I was like what the *^%#$?
So what did I do?
I totally disengaged. I stopped calling or reaching out period.
And that was the end of that story.
How many of you ladies have been here?
All jokes aside, this was a teaching moment.
You shouldn’t have to chase or force what’s meant for you. This not only pertains to romantic relationships but also friendships and even business dealings. Something is wrong if you’re the only one putting in genuine, consistenteffort. Yes, consistency is key. Don’t be fooled by people who do the disappear- reappear act.
I had to accept that he just wasn’t that into me. Well not seriously at least. For whatever reason. And that’s OK. The right person(s) will be.
You also teach others how to treat you by the behavior you accept. Some people tend to push boundaries. They see what they can get away with and what you allow to continue… will continue. It’s not all on them though, you have the power to walk away. So walk away.
And finally, love yourself enough to be enough for yourself. Don’t allow loneliness to influence why you continue to engage with someone who doesn’t treat you as you deserve. Yes, I’d rather spend my Saturday night with a good friend or by my darn self.
I think self-esteem is like a muscle. You have to build it. The more you make decisions that reflect you truly value and think highly of yourself, the stronger your self esteem becomes. And so you continue to make healthy decisions and your self-esteem continues to improve.
And what’s more attractive than that?!!
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